What if I….

I felt for a long time like a goldfish in my wonderful protecting bowl. I was having all that I needed to be happy and was happy with all that I had. I was admired by people around me, loved by ones, envied by some or ignored by some others. I was saying and doing things many of my people were afraid to try, speak or even ponder.

I was thinking thoughts, living and believing fantasies and doing whatever I dared to, even when I was afraid. I dreamed many times “what if I am unleashed and free”, what if I will leave in peace with myself, with no regret or guilt, with no fear or worry to throw shadows upon me, “what if I” can allow myself to be fully connected to this Earth and its energies, to all its beautiful beings and always aware of what is going on with myself inside-out. But many times I chose just to listen, dream or understand and not to act.

Photo by Derek Owens on Unsplash

In the pursuit of finding my creativity, some episodes I got to live, messages I was able to see and hear, events or people showing up or leaving my life, turned to powerful moments revealing myself. In all of these moments, my instincts were talking to me. The intuition was like a compass pointing my North. It forced me to acknowledge that my only option is to live with no regret, to live my own definition of good life. And for this, I need to DO things rather than to wait for the right whatever: moment, person, time, resource…

The moment when my dream of living with no “what if I” in mind came true, was when I realized that:

  • No matter who I talk to, I know who am I, what and who matters to me
  • I honor my values, and allow myself to experience anything I am curious about, as long as it keeps me aligned to what I feel, love and cherish
  • I will never remain just the resentful observer of all that happens outside
  • I choose to DO it all, and see where it takes me this shift of paradigm. I trade now comfort and safety for challenge and freedom
  • I challenge myself better than anyone else

And when I speak my truths out there or to myself, when I know why I do what I do, who am I and what I value, what are my hopes, dreams and limitations and I align my actions to all of it, then is the time when any what if I…. cease to exist. And all of the above just give me deep roots to exist with all what is inside of me, the good and the bad. It makes me just me.

Be afraid and do it anyway!

I guess “be afraid and do it anyway” is my new motto, my new song to sing to myself. I choose to do what I feel and to do my best, not “the right”, even when I am afraid. I see it different than acting from fear, rejecting the fear, fighting it or denying it; It flows first acknowledging the fear, let it be and to accompany me, and keep moving. And this is my new skill, this is my new path.

I chose to throw the goldfish in the ocean. It is afraid, but just now is really free and can discover and enjoy a new universe in the heart of the seas.

Have a good week.

Enjoy!

M.

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