I realize these days, when my home is my whole world, that I made a hell of a journey until here. I love my house, I love my job, I love my family and my husband and I love to spend this time in our small universe. I care very much for everything I do, and I do it all with care, love and passion. I know that for some people, this period might not be same. My story today is about some thoughts I had to unthink to get here and some things I had to undo because they did not belong to who I am.
Weird enough, what got me here was not something I thought or did, but what I had to unthink and undo. I lived my childhood and adolescence in a “happy” numbness… When I started to awake, I didn’t remember how I got there. I don’t remember it now either. I just know that I woke up one day from my fairy imaginary world, like from a dreamless heavy sleep, number than ever, confused and afraid. I did not knew where to go or what to do.
I tried to ask myself why, but the why question was too heavy to ask or to answer. I know that everything that happened was for a purpose, or is just a part of me who believes that, as it is easier to endure and live with. Sometimes I think that the purpose is the path itself, in its attempt to teach me some lessons. I looked back many times blaming some of my choices: to wait instead of act, to run and hide instead of fight. And peraps because of those, one day, this path or purpose, just put on my road the biggest and ugliest monster. And I had no real choice. Or I fight it and defeat it or I gave up and loose it all.
One of the first discoveries in the process of finding myself was that in order to advance, I have to unthink, undo and unbelieve my limitations. That was the starting point!
The most limiting beliefs was that “life is a fight”. Though I use it often as a metaphor in my stories, I used to believe it and live it every day. I might still do in some aspects of my life..
The life with this belief is a war zone. Everywhere I walked there was a battlefield, mined zone and if it was not, I created one. I was spending my nights, portraying potential adversaries, developing strategies and tactics, budding plans, identifying resources. I was always in alert, but prepared. That was draining me out. Less sleep on top…. is the perfect solution to stress and anxiety. And if that was not enough, if I did not had an external fight, I created an internal conflict. I was moving the war zone inside of me. And this caused my immune system to weaken.
Lucky enough, at that time, I was learning the limiting beliefs in NLP course. It was a blessing for me to get rid of this one. I actually changed it for a philosophical saying: “life is life”. If you want to see a method on how to change your limitings beliefs, you may find it here, in an article on PshychologyToday.
After that, me against me, never existed for the purpose of fighting itself. Once I taken it out from my mind, in I made small changes in my behaviors: more water and sleep, more nature, doing things I enjoy. That was enough to get me started. I still see results every day.
This simple mind change, transformed a “me against enemies” into “me partnering with people” and more important “me partnering with me”. I became simply more open and curious to understand other people’s view of the world.
And that helps me take life as life, enjoy all its small moments as I might never have the chance to live them again. I am grateful for who I became, for what I have, for all the people I get to know and interact. And these last weeks have confirmed that I should not taking it all for granted.
I will leave you with a some words from one meditation that wakes me up some mornings, and remembers me to smile to this life I have. It is called “A good Day” and belongs to Brother David Steindl-Rast.
“Look at the sky! We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment with its clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather… as good weather or bad weather. This day, right now has unique weather, maybe a kind that will never exactly in that form come again. The formation of clouds in the sky will never be again as it is right now. Open your eyes, look at that!…“