Can you imagine to wake up every day and just be happy? Or do you remember the last time when you felt like that ?
I used to wake up smiling every day. Not just smiling. With a huge smile on my face, for the simple reason that the Sun is up again, and I could not wait to wake up. I had also a salute to myself: “good morning, life starts again”! Then, I was starting my day singing and dancing. I was happy to prepare for that life, for that day! Atfter a short warm up, I then abandoned myself in a numb dreamy state for a while, contemplating the nature, hearing all its sounds, breathing, smelling the fresh morning and gentley allowing thoughts to wake up and give me the real kick. I was gathering pieces of dreams, petals of the night, daybreak and light and commence the day creating the most beautiful rainbow fantasies accompanied by cheers of hope.
One day, I realized that I gathered and kept too many serious thoughts. I even forgot about that smile, I forgot to travel nights into fantasies realms and sleep well in far away universes. I don’t believe I dreamed those nights. Some of those days I had no other routine than stay numb hearing my thoughts fighting each other.
I just wanted to calm them down, but I wasn’t strong enough to do anything. I was hearing but not listening or understanding. My foggy mind took away my dreams and sent them in the mist of forgetfulness. The thoughts, my thoughts, were making my unhappy. They sent me down each day, to the despair land, even before I was fully awake. It felt like I wasn’t going to ever leave that place. There was no way out. Just be trapped in the prison of the mind and endure hearing all that painful uproar. Even my laugh wrinkles started to fade away!
When I could not bare anymore, I decided to manage that hectic inner tumult. And I had no clue what I was doing.
I wrote down all my thoughts and, as I got bored writting, I had already 4 pages. I read through them. “God, I only had garbage there. Critiques, unfulfilled tasks, blame following me through ages.” At a point I noticed that some of the thoughts started to repeat. How much waste of time, energy, life time…
I understood that my mind was desperately trying to tell me something so, I actually closed out majority of the recurrent ones.
Few days later, same writing, only 2.5 pages left. I read them again and found some prehistoric notions and reflections, only good to extinct dinosaurs. I decided to drop those, to cancel and forget about them. I had no gut to multiply the number of days and years I carried them with me, by the time spent to repeat it and an estimate number of repetitions per day. I might have counted months or worse…Time of my life, gone, lost, thrown away. I even got this idea, that I was postponing till forever some of the thoughts, as I just could not break up with them. I called them ‘someday/maybe’ but I knew it for sure, I wasn’t going to do them nor come back to them at all. In that moment, I found my bravery and gave them all up at least for this lifetime.
I had to do this declutter, because I missed a lot waking up smiling in the mornings and start my day singing and dancing.
To bring my smile back, I took a decision that somehow changed me and my course of life. I chose to do only those things that really make me happy, and to keep in my life only what makes my soul vibrate. I ask myself often ” is that really making me happy?”. If the answer is no, then NO it is!
For me, that was enough to bring back my morning smile and begin again the days singing and dancing. I settle now with my few thoughts for a while and only after that dream loading time, I hit the real start of the day. In my really bad days, I put on some music to remind me that happiness, after all is an attitude and a choice, and even if that day is not suited for the big teeth smile, I remind myself that the time for it will come again soon. And meanwhile, in those cloudy days, I can only look ahead with curiosity and wonder.
Hmm… my life really wears the scent of that smile and has the look of that happiness! Life is so much easy this way!
How do you start your day?
What makes you smile and happy?