I remember the days when my health was not at its best. I was just investigated and, later on, diagnosed with a chronic disease. My body was in pain; my mind was tired and sleepy, and the incoherent thoughts from different galaxies and dreams barely made sense. The energy around me was of fear, the deepest fear of death… Or… I don’t know… Perhaps I was afraid I would give up and lack the strength to fight.
Sick thoughts made any minor pain bigger. I imagined incurable diseases overtaking me, and they all had a final death. The shadows took me to the darkest realms inside my sick thoughts and flooded mind. And I was so afraid of what might happen. I was worried for the people I care about, and I was scared not to suffer more… but I realized that none of my sufferings would matter to me compared to that pain and despaired helplessness I saw in the eyes of the people I love.
It was the hero in me who saw that, who wanted to save and spare my loved ones from my suffering. It constantly told me: don’t give up, you cannot give up, you are still too busy to give up ?! I lived with colossal fear and saw and felt it around me daily. This is how it fed and grew….every day, through their look, words, and desperate, silent screams for my salvation.
One day, a few years back, I met a lady. Her name, I do not recall. She was living for nine years with a severe tumor on the brain. She was speaking in front of a group, saying that for her, the disease was a way to stop what she was doing and reconsider her priorities, and it made her understand and learn how to live with that tumor. Together. Her and the affection.
Her words triggered something compelling inside of me. I found hope then, again. That lady, in a condition far worse than mine, with her life threatened by that affection, found her way to LIVE with the disease. So yes, that goal to live was the key!
All my inner matrix code lines were rewritten at that moment. Instead of focusing on my minor pains, on my affection, which is not even life-threatening if is correctly treated, instead of overthinking about the potential reactions of others, I chose to focus on how I can understand what the illness tells me, what is my lesson out of it. And I got some ideas. I know how to listen to my body, I know how I should be brave to face the pain and not ignore it or imagine worst-case scenarios, I know to honor and say thank you for the lessons, and I know that the secret is to accept it instead of fight it. And my test results show good improvement.
Since that day, the „don’t give up” message has had a new and different meaning for me. First and foremost, I won’t give up on myself, and I won’t give up on seeking and speaking the truth my body and soul want me to know and honor. No matter how hard that is. I am my hero now. A hero who witnessed my story and encouraged me to explore the depths of my being, insanely believing that there is always hope!
Don’t give up! You are everything good!