I wanted to see you become. But more, I longed to keep you safe. I was sure your vulnerability, authenticity, and pure soul would not resist the pressure of the heartless world, and you’ll break. I needed you whole. I relied very much on preserving untamed the living miracle blossoming inside of you.
I put you in a safe place, likely too hidden from the outer worlds, far from curious eyes. The night around drew your light, encompassed it with dreams and hopes, and concealed it deep down.
The silence of all there is was reigning the kingdom full of you alone while dreams weaved your future and narrated your yet-to-be-lived stories. My eyesight was empty of your presence, though I could hear your soothing voice sometimes. I knew you were there safe; until one day when the sound diluted in the ever-encompassing silence. I lost you then, and your voice was not to be found in that arid world, hunted by my choice of putting you away. Not seeing you, not hearing you, often took my breath away, yet I knew you were safe in an unknown abyss of the shadows. Our bond started fading away too in a mist of forgetfulness and losing you in the gloaming of misremembering killed pieces of me every beat. The desire to keep you safe was clouding my mind and shattering me down with every moment you weren’t there.
One moment, I recollected you fading away. A memory of you clutched by twilight called me to come and find you. I screamed so loud for you to hear me, but you weren’t there anymore. Not even heaven’s bells could reach your ears. I cursed humankind and gods for letting me hide you in the infinite darkness and being unable to locate you back. I broke again that day, for the million time. The grief of losing you didn’t get you back. Behind me were laying deserts of ashes and dust, pain and night.
You were gone forever, though. You couldn’t hear my shout, as there were no ears to hear it anymore. The deafness roared its silence to your world. You must have felt so lonely, so lost in that eternal dusk!
I have mourned you since. I shut it all down to comfort myself that I’ll never get drunk by the feeling of your smile again. I wasn’t there anymore, either. I lost myself somewhere on the way to nowhere.
Yet one day, I met you again! You found your way out from that labyrinth eclipsed by time. I lost you as a kid and found you grown-up! Even though you were older, your presence felt so young. Your voice soothed my spirit again, and your pink smile got me drunk in my senses immediately; your gaze gave me my breath back again. I was proud of what you unfolded and privileged to have glimpsed your tale of becoming. I still am.
A question wanders my thoughts: for I, what have I become, more precisely?
And you? Have you ever felt so lost that you barely remembered who you became?