Did you find your magic power? What about your magic totem?
Today’s story is about the clues that form my kind of magic and my journey map to find them.
I’ve always been nosy to know how one can find their magic. So I spent years searching for mine.
Initially, I started to search in the darkest shadows of my mind and soul, thinking perhaps it was hidden there. Instead, I found fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness deep down there. Cleaning those cobwebs wasn’t only scary; it was freaking terrifying. But re-viewing those emotions, and the memories incubating them from the beginning, wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I’ve always told myself that it is ok to „be afraid, but do it anyway.” This allowed me to stay and not run away from myself, my mind, and my memories. The care I know to give others convinced me to indulge my inner child too.
I ascended from the shadow realm with the following:
- a well-known trail that can take me back to black instantly
- a clear map of my definition of hell and
- A belief that „I am brave enough to do what many people can’t: to bear with me, be patient with myself, and accept all of me.”
I was disappointed that I found nothing close to magic—just ordinary senses and qualities.
Then, I’ve gone up in the heavens to look for that superpower of mine, imagining a lightning bolt, a love arrow like Cupid, or thunder of kindness – something ultra-super-natural to define who I am. But yet again, I was disappointed. Instead, I only found a woman’s vulnerability, the acceptance of others, a kind, helpful, and supportive human being, a mother-type part of me. And this was again too usual, too human.
I continued searching for a long time, up and down, with every life quest I got, trying to prove one or another. Am I good, am I bad – where does my power land?
Finally, I got tired of searching and lingered to live for a while. Then, finally, I put the guard down and deduced there was no magic.
Life as it is
But at that precise time, the blessing transpired. I learned I don’t need to attempt to fit myself into categories and etiquettes. I began to live without fear of what might go wrong and relished all the moments. „Life as it is” – a simple motto, challenging to find and harder to live. But the view of life’s simplicity fused with the boldness to see the many wounds and parts and constant integration of the good, the bad, and the ugly – that’s my magic. I am all of them combined. I do it to make a good change in this simple life.
You may wonder if it was all as simple as I phrase my words, but not!
It took me to surrender, to let go of the need to control life. It requested me to be aware of the everyday map and rules and to sometimes play the life game from different positions, with other characters or in different realms. Giving up control opened many entrances. Gates through which I allow myself to enjoy the liveliness and say to it: „Come on, show me this one too!”. It is where my power rises. I know I can do it. I know that life is a gift. It is a privilege I got amongst other souls, so I honor and respect it; Rightful, hopeful, beautiful, complex, bad, ugly, unfair, or full of nothingness is still all part of the gift. Overcoming or surviving those challenging moments is part of a lesson one needs to learn.
This is just the way it is!
Right now, in this very present moment, I use all the resources I have available in the best way. So, there is no other way. I can only control my reaction to the events: to put myself down or to know that I am not what happened to me. And when I know that, I am a superhero.
That’s the magic of my life: moving on, one step at a time, and accepting what happened to me.
I am wondering now what kind of powers other people have.