There cannot be darkness without light, nor in the absence of night, not on this Planet. There is no good without evil, no heroes without villains, no noise without silence, no acceptance without denial, nor love without hate. All pairs are different coins. Two-sided.
We are educated and encouraged to become heroes. It’s what we learn from the stories told and shown since early childhood. People worship heroes. Kids dream of becoming Superman, Spiderman, Elsa or Anna, Pocahontas, Paw Patrol Heroes, or Princes and Princesses. We all learn to dream and to wish that one day we can save humanity, someone, or at least ourselves and our loved ones, and that this is the greater good and ultimate mission. But being a hero always requires a high cost to pay. This is what we are not taught. When we are at a crossroads, many of us estimate the price and choose not to spend it. We then fall on the other side, in the arms of our shadows. Simply believing in heroes implies the existence of villains, and often, there is nothing in between.
My story today is about the encounter between my shadow and light. I grew up as an adolescent, being very authentic. I was arrogant and selfish, but I knew what I wanted and how much I deserved to have all I wanted. I was living in my dream, not paying too much attention to the people around me. I was in the center of my world, and everyone else gravitated around. That was my dark veil. My view of life was simple: „If I don’t want to do something, I don’t. And if someone has a problem with that, it makes that solely their problem. The ones to whom I am important will accept me as I am; if they don’t, it is their loss.” (these notes I found in my diary and dated 20+ years ago)
I woke up from my numbness one day. I saw suffering in the eyes of my loved ones; I saw how wounded they felt by my words and actions. I thought to myself that hurt. At that crossroad, I decided to make a turn and change. I chose to become a hero. I buried the darkness, sealed it with vows, oaths, and promises, and began to change.
For almost a decade, I built new values, behaviors, and beliefs, forgetting, abandoning, and losing myself in others, believing and doing only good, growing love and light far beyond myself. Then, finally, I had the privilege of knowing how strong my love can be and how healing and kind this side of me was. I eventually became my hero—a lightwalker. Yet, I was not feeling whole.
I often wondered what was missing and why I felt inadequate and found a million reasons: blame, shame, actions, and thoughts. I thought it was me and grew and re-directed the light and love to myself to see the happiness with the eyes of my soul. I was almost invincible, or so I thought.
But the completeness came when I remembered my shadow face and uncovered the long-forgotten darkness veil.
Facing it, looking into those wolfish proud eyes, took us both – the mirror and the real – to an uncreated beginning. My shade is the most beautiful being.
We held each other, dancing our perfect dance, with impeccable steps that followed unsung notes of silence and stillness, in a sky-lookalike universe surrounded by stars and lightened by silver moonlight.
It was just two of us: my light and darkness, two perfect matching shadows drifting on the wings of the most graceful dream, two feathers blown and caressed by the gentlest wind.
I understood I am black and white, shadow and light, and only by being them both and dancing that endless, timeless dance could I become whole. There is no other path. The light that springs from darkness is brighter and more vital because it knows its roots, powers, and failings.
I denied that part emptied me of energy, soul, and life. As much as I grew the light, as forceful, it became the dark, trying to be seen and heard. But on that dance floor, when I acknowledged I knew that face, those eyes, that beauty and recognized it is entirely mine, I felt what power means. I felt how it is to love and how that burns with the sun’s warmth. I felt how it is to have the power to calm it with the night’s coldness and stillness instantly. I felt how it is to fight with the force of a tsunami and immediately bring peace with a rainbow of hope, planting the seeds of rebirth. The real power is to have all of this inside me every moment and to know that.
The gifts of my blackness are completeness and impeccability!
Have a good week!