I felt like a goldfish in my wonderful protecting bowl for a long time. I had all that I needed to be happy and was happy with all that I had. I was admired by people around me, loved by ones, envied by some, or ignored by others. I was saying and doing things many of my people were afraid to try, speak or even ponder.
I was thinking thoughts, living and believing fantasies, and doing whatever I dared to, even when I was afraid. I dreamed many times, „what if I am unleashed and free” what if I will live in peace with myself, with no regret or guilt, with no fear or worry about throwing shadows upon me, „what if I” can allow myself to be fully connected to this Earth and its energies, to all its beautiful beings and constantly aware of what is going on with myself inside-out. But I often chose to listen, dream or understand and not act.
In the pursuit of finding my creativity, some episodes I got to live, messages I was able to see and hear, and events or people showing up or leaving my life turned into powerful moments revealing myself. In all of these moments, my instincts were talking to me. The intuition was like a compass pointing North. It forced me to acknowledge that my only option is to live with no regret, to live my definition of the good life. And for this, I need to DO things rather than wait for the right whatever: moment, person, time, resource…
The moment when my dream of living with no „what if I” in mind came true was when I realized that:
- No matter who I talk to, I know who I am, what, and who matters to me
- I honor my values and allow myself to experience anything I am curious about as long as it keeps me aligned with what I feel, love, and cherish
- I will never remain just the resentful observer of all that happens outside.
- I choose to DO it all and see where it takes this paradigm shift. I now trade comfort and safety for challenge and freedom.
- I challenge myself better than anyone else.
And when I speak my truths out there or to myself, when I know why I do what I do, who I am and what I value, what are my hopes, dreams, and limitations and I align my actions to all of it, then is the time when any what if I…. cease to exist. And all of the above give me deep roots to live with all that is inside me, the good and the bad. It makes me just me.
Be afraid and do it anyway!
I guess „be afraid and do it anyway” is my new motto, my new song to sing to myself. I choose to do what I feel and to do my best, not „the right,” even when I am afraid. I see it differently than acting from fear, rejecting it, fighting it, or denying it; It flows first, acknowledging the fear, letting it be and accompany me, and keeping moving. And this is my new skill; this is my new path.
I chose to throw the goldfish in the ocean. It is afraid, but now it is free, and we can discover and enjoy a new universe in the heart of the seas.
Have a good week.